A word of caution: this post is not about an HR exit interview, its about life & relationships – or should I say, death & breakups. Some time back I started following James Altucher’s blog – his experiences with life, money & women are unmatched. Quite often his wife Claudia, a full-time yogi, writes on his blog. Last month she wrote about how she dealt with her mother’s suicide; the truth being that it never healed – she could never get it over. Perhaps, that’s always the case when someone leaves unexpectedly – without an alarm. The mind can’t stop questioning: what went wrong? could you have saved it? You know its not your fault, but probably you could have helped, done something differently. No matter what you do, the pain never really heals. Claudia confirms that there are options and means to deal with a suicidal feeling. But if you feel like learning anything from her experience, you don’t have to wait until you’re suicidal – apply it to other scenarios.
Go a step further, think twice before exiting someone’s life; at least part on amicable terms (as HR would suggest), and keep in touch. For once they can even helplessly accept death, but its much more tormenting for them to be ignored while you continue to exist. If you don’t like my advice, here‘s some from James, yes James Altucher – her husband (& a hedge fund manager), about diversifying your human capital portfolio: Never have your happiness dependent on a yes or no decision from one person. At the very least: diversify the people who are important enough to do that.
If you’re dealing with a situation or a surprise right now, don’t loose hope. Understand that (or watch the movie) Life is Beautiful or read about 32 ways to love yourself by Claudia.
In my last post, I spoke about unwanted surprises in life and how the human mind usually deals with them. In this part, I will share some guidelines that will help retain focus in tough situations. As I said before, I am no authority on this subject, but I will share what I learned (the hard way) & feel.
1. Stay in control
You will often find yourself in a state of shock when you experience something that you never thought of. The sooner you release yourself from this lock, will you find yourself with the capacity to deal with the situation. Motivate yourself to live life and tackle this situation.
- Do not loose control of your mind, else you will find yourself being too dependent on others.
- Do not make a compromise or you will find yourself slipping into a dream world, that you will never want to leave in the fear of reality.
- Do not leave things to time or just dream that someday this will fall in place, or you will repent later for not having tried enough.
2. Don’t mix the past and the current situation & think fresh!
Introspection is the key to dealing with situations. It is always worthwhile going back in time to see what happened, and try to determine factors that must have given rise to the current situation. But it is not at all necessary that those factors alone triggered the situation. Hence, it is as important to deal with these two information elements (learning from introspection & info about the current situation) separately, as important it is to understand them. Continue reading 7 tips on dealing with situations!
My dear one always complained that I am not so fond of surprises. Deep inside, I do appreciate an element of surprise in my life. But sometimes life brings along difficult surprises to you, and they are so surprising that you start doubting the law of gravity. Anyway, $#i+ happens! But one needs to learn to deal with such hostile situations in life. This talk is not authoritative enough due to the uniqueness of each situation, but discusses the human nature that decides how we deal with them.
Like most artificial intelligence engines do, the human mind also runs on a learning model. This model is prepared and maintained by the brain by storing information about situations in the past along with environmental factors around them, the decisions taken then, and the outcome of the situation. And it is this model that the mind tries to exploit when dealing with new situations. Don’t we always try to relate to the past? We somehow try to force-fit the current situation to something in the past and then apply the known outcome to the situation. But this model needs to be used with caution. Worse enough, we also involve statistics based on other people’s experience of similar situations and impose it on ours. The urban dictionary calls it ‘superstistics’, the use of prior evidence of one event to predict the outcome of another unrelated event – from the words superstitious and statistics. Continue reading Dealing with surprises!